I Have A Question

S: But they did not understand the saying, and were afraid to ask him. Mark 9:32 (ESV)

O: Why were they afraid to ask You? Were they afraid because of how You responded to their bickering over the Pharisee’s yeast – their lack of understanding? Were they embarrassed that they still didn’t understand? Were they ashamed, believing they should know by now what You mean when You say things like this? Did they not really want to know what You meant?

What were they afraid of?

A: What am I afraid of? Why don’t I ask You about things I don’t understand?

Is it because I’m afraid I’m not smart enough to understand? Have I convinced myself that You and I are on a “need-to-know” basis and most things I don’t need to know, and I need to be okay with that, so I don’t ask?

Is this what I believe? What does that say about You? About me? About us?

These reasons don’t sound like they are grounded in truth. They sound an awful lot like lies. Lies that murmur I’m not worth Your time. Lies that say I should be able to figure this stuff out on my own – and for crying out loud, why haven’t I figured it out yet? What’s wrong with me anyway?

Lies that say I’m not enough.

And I know that I’m not. I’m not enough.

But I also know that You are. I know that You are everything – that You know ALL things. I know that if I ask for wisdom – for understanding – You will give it to me – that You WANT to help me understand:

If you don’t know what you’re doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You’ll get his help, and won’t be condescend to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believing, without a second thought. People who “worry their prayers” are like wind-whipped waves.
 James 1:5-6a (MSG)

P: I want to ask You about anything and everything, God! I’m sorry my pride has kept me from asking You first. Father, forgive me. I’m sorry I believed these lies. I know You have given me everything I need. I know You will continue to teach me – that you are a safe place for me to land when I am uncertain – that I can ask You anything. I know You will answer. I know You are for me! I believe You, Jesus. Help me overcome my disbelief.

Photo by KokomoCole–206298

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