S: Is it against the law for me to do what I want with my money? Should you be jealous because I am kind to others? Matthew 20:15 (NLT)
O: I know Jesus was using this parable to explain the Kingdom of Heaven to the Jews and the extent of God’s generosity to the world – giving the gift of salvation to ANYONE who wants to receive it.
But when I read it today, it stings a little, because I can relate to the all-day worker. I’ve made assumptions about how I think God should respond to situations, too. (Again, I know there is greater meaning here, but I can’t help but recognize this same spirit of pride/judgement/arrogance in myself regarding other situations.)
This is not easy to admit, but I don’t want to just put words on a page for the sake of writing something down. If I’m turning to God’s Word to be changed, then I need to address the issues that I’d rather skip over. I don’t want to take the easy way out. I want to do the hard work that will keep my heart malleable; I want Him to keep shaping my heart like His. And to start, I need to be honest.
A: So this is my confession. If I don’t get this out – if I’m not honest about this bitter root in my heart – it will stay buried and continue to grow in the place where His love is meant to be. I’ve been a chump about God’s generosity, and I know it doesn’t make sense at all, because it’s not at all like I’ve earned His free gift of grace! If anything, I should be ecstatic that others are witnessing and experiencing His goodness, too.
Who am I to be jealous of God’s generosity?
I am a girl with a human-fleshy heart that is still under construction. A girl who is still trying to grasp this crazy, radical, audacious gift of unearned grace.
P: God, please forgive me. I hate seeing these ugly things in my heart, but I’m so grateful You reveal them to me. Thanks for loving me still, even when I don’t love or like myself. Thanks for not giving up on me and helping me see these hard truths about myself and the faithful truths about You. You are a kind and generous Father. I’m so glad ALL of us can experience it. I’m sorry for being a “Chumpalina.”
Photo by Alexander Dummer